


Do Not Go Gentle

by alkjira



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Guardian Angels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death, M/M, Work Up For Adoption
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-18
Updated: 2015-01-18
Packaged: 2018-03-08 03:35:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3193781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alkjira/pseuds/alkjira
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alt. take on canon with Bilbo as Thorin's guardian <strike>angel</strike> <em>spirit</em>, erm, (Hobbit?). Something like that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do Not Go Gentle

**Author's Note:**

> Pretty much canon compliant with the exception of there not being a Hobbit burglar recruited. And one or two spoilery things.  
> See tags for a bit more info.
> 
> Might have grammar/spelling errors.

Bilbo is there for the entire quest, but not actually _there_.  
  
He comes when he's needed.  
  
That’s his job.  
  
It’s been fairly easy for the last 150 years, Thorin hasn’t really done a lot of  dangerous things under this time, (perhaps to compensate for making Bilbo will a bit of wood into existence even though there weren’t any trees anywhere nearby and thank the Valar no one ever questioned it) so Bilbo has had a fairly easy job of it.  
  
This all changes very quickly when Gandalf (dratted Wizards) convinces Thorin that now is the perfect time to try and reclaim Erebor.

It is not.  
  
There’s still a Dragon inside the mountain. But that’s not even the biggest problem. The problem is that the way there is apparently littered with ways for Thorin to die.  
  
If it’s not Trolls it’s Stone Giants or Goblins. And Orcs. Lots and lots of Orcs. Entirely too many Orcs.  
  
After everyone has escaped from the Goblins and Bilbo hears the howl of the Wargs he feels a bit like crying. Perhaps things would be easier on him if he’d focused on Thorin and only Thorin, but the thing is that if Thorin loses anyone in the Company it’s going to hurt him. And it’s Bilbo’s job to make sure Thorin isn’t hurt.  
  
Cursing beneath his breath he ignores the look Gandalf sends him (Gandalf is _not_ supposed to be able to see him, but when has he ever played by the rules) and straightens back up again.  
  
His eyes immediately finds Thorin to make sure he’s all right. And Thorin is.. Thorin is looking at him. At Bilbo. Squinting in a way that’s not majestic at all.  
  
Bilbo quickly double checks that he’s invisible. Which he is.  
  
Thorin was probably just looking to see what Gandalf was looking at. Again, dratted Wizard.

But then it happens again. On the Carrock. After Gandalf helps save Thorin’s life and fine, Bilbo takes back at least some of the not so nice things he’s said about the Wizard.

On the Carrock Thorin jumps up and looks around, and Bilbo first thinks that he’s making sure everyone has made it, only Thorin turns to Gandalf.  
  
“Where is he?”  
  
“Where is who?”  
  
“The Halfling! I saw him, after we’d escaped from the Goblins, and again when Azog-” Thorin falls silent.  
  
By this point everyone is exchanging worried glances, but Gandalf distracts them all by pointing out that Erebor is visible in the distance (fine, Wizards do have some uses) and it’s eventually written off like Thorin knocking his head a little too hard against the ground.  
  
By everyone except Bilbo who panics a bit and wonders exactly what is wrong with him. Thorin is not supposed to see him. No one is. Except the Maiar and such. Occasionally.  
  
When everyone is safe and sound at Beorn’s he takes a moment to hunt down Esmeralda to see if she knows what could be wrong.  
  
She looks a little uncomfortably at him. “Um, Bilbo, you- are you in love with him?”  
  
“But that’s just a myth!” Bilbo protests, then he slaps his hand over his mouth. “I mean, no, of course not.”  
  
The story goes, if you fall in love with your charge, you can make yourself visible to them. But it’s just a _myth_. And Bilbo is not in love. He’s not. Not even a little. You’re not supposed to fall in love with your charges. Not even a little. And Bilbo hasn’t. Nope.  
  
It’s just normal concern that almost makes him crawl out of his skin when Thorin and the rest of the Company is taken by Giant Spiders in Mirkwood.  
  
Bilbo is not supposed to interfere _directly_. Which is, according to Bilbo, a rule that is _very_ unclear. But most people agree that it basically means; don’t get caught. Which means that he can’t just snag a weapon and cut everyone loose, but he can get a branch to snag on the web around Nori, creating enough give and space for the thief to get to his knife, and after that it’s easy enough for him to get everyone else free as well.  
  
When the Elves show up Bilbo feels like crying again, only with relief this time.  
  
Thorin might not be happy in a dungeon, but Bilbo has half-a mind to let him stay there for a decade or two, just to allow everyone (Bilbo) to catch their breath again.  
  
But Thorin acts very strange in the Elvenking’s dungeons. It’s not just that he’s angry, which he is, very angry, but he keeps _looking._ In the sort of way that hints that he’s expecting to see _something_. And sometimes he looks like he’s indeed seen something and it makes Bilbo’s heart flutter.  
  
And he’s not sure if it’s fear or something else.  
  
Eventually Bilbo realises that if he allows Thorin to stay in Mirkwood for much longer it will end very badly for everyone involved (it would be helpful if Thranduil could stop demanding to speak with Thorin, that sort of thing do not make anyone happy) so he ‘helps’ a guard have a little too much wine and a key happens to be lost at a very convenient location.  
  
After that follows a nerve wracking bit where Bilbo is trailing after the Dwarfs as they basically get themselves lost.  
  
He’d made sure that Fíli and Kíli overheard two other guards talking about the wine barrels needing to be sent back to Lake-town, and how they’re stored on the lower level. As in, lower than even the dungeons as access to the river is needed.  
  
After the second staircase the Dwarfs climb _up_ Bilbo has had it.  
  
“You need to go _down_ ,” he says darkly to the back of Thorin’s head. “Go back the same way you came, go left at the ugly statue of a swan and then _down_. I swear this is the most ridi-“  
  
“Wait,” Thorin says and everyone stops and looks at him expectantly. “We are going the wrong way.”  
  
This is met with some scepticism, but eventually they do listen to him, and Thorin turns back and leads everyone towards the lower level. To the way out.  
  
Bilbo is… he has no words.  
  
Thorin is not supposed to see him. He’s not supposed to hear him. He’s not.

-  
  
Thankfully there’s a calmer period after this, once the barrels are a thing of the past anyway, and Bilbo has plenty of time to think.  
  
Though perhaps ‘thankfully’ is the wrong word.  
  
Because… it’s quite possible that he really has fallen in love with Thorin. Just a little.  
  
Goodness knows how since Thorin is rude, proud, arrogant, can’t find his way out of a sack, handsome, surprisingly kind, a wonderful uncle, a great king, with a smile that makes Bilbo’s heart-

-  
  
He almost doesn’t help them get into the mountain, but at the same time Bilbo doesn’t know what else to do.  
  
Thorin will try again. He might not think so now, but he will, and without the key he can never hope to succeed. He’ll throw his life away hammering at the rocky slopes, likely succeeding at annoying Smaug enough that he comes out to eat him.  
  
So Bilbo helps them.  
  
Then it’s time for Smaug.  
  
Because of course the Dragon is still there. And entirely too stubborn to allow Bilbo to affect it in any way, otherwise he’d happily have suggested for it to eat a suit of armour or twenty, hoping that it’d choke.  
  
And Thorin… Thorin is insane.  
  
His plan is to try and kill a Dragon with molten gold, only succeeding at angering Smaug enough that he flies off to destroy Lake-town, the Men’s only crime to have helped Thorin and his Company.  
  
And Thorin doesn’t even seem that upset about it. And he doesn’t seem relived when the Dragon is killed either.  
He just… keeps looking for that damned Arkenstone.  
   
“Have you lost what little mind you had,” Bilbo hisses to him late one night when he’s sure Thorin is sleeping. The Dwarf has been awake for days, searching for that blasted stone. “You can’t go on like this!”  
  
Bilbo did not expect Thorin’s eyes to blink open, nor for them to focus on him.  
  
“You!”  
  
“No, no,” Bilbo says and hurriedly gets to his feet. “You’re, um, dreaming.”  
  
“Please, don’t go,” Thorin says, and the tone of his voice makes Bilbo freeze. It’s, _pleading_. “Even if you're just a figment of my imagination, don't go. Don't leave.”  
  
“I- you, um,“ Bilbo says eloquently.  
  
“Are you real?” Thorin says, sitting up. His voice his hushed, full of wonder. And for the first time in days, if not weeks, his eyes are clear, free of the fevered frenzy that has hidden there ever since he entered the mountain. “I saw you, before. You saved me.”  
  
He drinks Bilbo in with his eyes as if he’s expecting him to disappear at any moment, only Bilbo is not sure if he _can_ disappear now.  
  
He _wants_ for Thorin to keep looking at him like that, like he’s something incredible.  
  
“I’m, Bilbo. I’m here to help you,” Bilbo finally says.  
  
When Thorin reaches out for him Bilbo stays, allowing Thorin to brush his fingers over Bilbo’s curls.  
  
They talk.  
  
Bilbo finds himself explaining exactly how it is that he’s there to help Thorin. Or well, the bits of it that he knows.

He doesn’t know why it’s Thorin, or even why he’s supposed to help people. Bilbo doesn’t remember anything from before, if there is such a thing as before.  
  
He just knows that he at least looks to be a Hobbit and that he _wants_ to help people, take care of them, try and stop them from dying entirely too soon.  
  
Which Thorin might do if he doesn’t stop to eat, drink and rest.  
  
“Is the stone worth your life?” Bilbo asks, and Thorin doesn’t have an answer for him.  
  
He asks Bilbo to find the Arkenstone for him, but Bilbo refuses, saying that he can’t. That it’s not within his power. And Thorin believes him, even though it’s a lie, even though Bilbo has already found the stone and hidden it away.  
  
He feels it in his bone that nothing good will come out of giving it to Thorin.  
  
Then again, nothing good comes anyway.

There’s a battle.  
  
And Bilbo tries, he does, but he can only fend off so many attacks at once. He’s stopped trying to be discrete. He doesn’t care if Orcs keeps falling to the ground seemingly without anyone hitting them, perhaps he can blame it on Elven arrows, but he doesn’t care. He’s not losing Thorin. He’s not losing anyone.  
  
Because it’s not just Thorin, it’s the rest of them too.  
  
When Thorin calls for him Bilbo’s heart jumps into his throat. He’s by Thorin’s side in an instant, expecting to find him grievously wounded. But he’s not.  
  
Instead he’s asking Bilbo to please watch over his nephews. Please.  
  
“I can’t lose them,” Thorin calls as he hacks and slashes and kills any Orc getting near them. “Bilbo, please.”  
  
Bilbo agrees. Because he knows it’s true. Thorin can’t lose them. And Bilbo can’t lose Thorin. So he’ll need to make sure they all make it.  
  
He has no idea what happens when mortals die. Perhaps they do go to the Halls of Waiting, but that realm is close to him. So either way, Bilbo will lose Thorin forever if he dies.  
  
That is not acceptable.

A mere, measly hour later that’s exactly what Bilbo tells Thorin as he’s kneeling by the fallen Dwarf’s side, pressing his hands against the wound in Thorin’s chest, wishing desperately that he had the power to heal.  
   
“You are not allowed to die,” Bilbo says, blinking away tears. “I did not get you this far just for you to die.”  
  
“My nephews?”  
  
“They’re fine,” Bilbo says, and they are, a little worse for wear, but they’ll make it. “They’re fine and so will you be.”  
  
“Thank you,” Thorin breathes, reaching up to cup Bilbo’s cheek with a hand that’s entirely too cold. “Bilbo, thank you.”  
  
“Do not thank me,” Bilbo protests and wipes at his eyes. “I failed you.”  
  
“You- didn’t,” Thorin says. “Without you-“ He coughs, and blood stains his lips.  
  
Bilbo has never quite hated anything as much as he hates the colour red at that moment.  
  
Thorin’s eyes flutter closed. “I wish-“ he murmurs, and then he falls silent, and his chest stills.  
  
Bilbo stays with him until the others arrive, and he stays long enough to make sure that Fíli and Kíli are really all right.  
  
After that Bilbo allows himself to go to the place that is sort of like home, but which isn’t really a place at all, and he stays there in the dark, until Esmeralda drags him out, telling him that he’s got a new assignment.  
  
“No,” Bilbo says, his voice rough. “I failed my last one. I don’t want more. I can’t help people. I-“  
  
“It’s one of the nephews to your former charge,” Esme replies, and Bilbo’s heart aches badly enough that he can breathe for the pain of it.  
  
In the end he agrees.  
  
His new charge is Fíli, and Bilbo wonders why Fíli and not Kíli. Why not both. He could easily watch over both, they’re very rarely far from each other’s side.  
  
Perhaps it has something to do with how Fíli is now King.  
  
Bilbo doesn’t know. But he goes to him. Finds him, and indeed Kíli too. They’re asleep, curled up like puppies on the same bed.  
  
And-  
  
“Thorin?” Bilbo gasps, not believing his eyes. It’s _impossible_. Only not, because that is Thorin, it _is_ , sitting next to the bed.  
  
He looks up at the sound of his name, but there is no recognition in his eyes when he looks at Bilbo, and it almost hurts as much as when Bilbo watched him die.  
  
“If this is about my charge I’m quite capable-“ Thorin begins, but then he pauses. He looks at Bilbo, really _looks_ , and he tilts his head to the side. “I know you.”  
  
“Yes,” Bilbo manages, choking down a sob. “Yes, you do.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fic that I've had some issues with lol  
> Mainly because the concept of guardian "angels" does not fit with any of my headcanons for middle earth.
> 
> The case can be made that there's a form guardian angels in ME, like the Maiar and/or Valar, (Tolkien was religious so this stuff sneaks in there, lol) but that's not how I see Bilbo and Esme in this.
> 
> Basically, I don't think this idea makes sense *hides* And there're plot details that don't quite make sense too.
> 
> So this was a bit rushed (okay more than a bit), because I'm basically giving myself a headache thinking about how this is supposed to work.  
> BUT I still wrote it, a semi-detailed outline thing, because I find the idea interesting. Dammit all.  
> I swear my plot bunnies are the most annoying things.
> 
> If anyone wants to take this more seriously I'm totally willing to put the bunny up for adoption.  
> I could have posted it in the story collection I have for this type of things, but I *have* admittedly written this thing, not just thought about writing it. So yeah.
> 
> And while I'm already rambling, I originally intended to write this for Fix-it December, but [reasons] I didn't write it back then.  
> If you've not checked out those stories I recommend it.


End file.
